PAIN

"The Problem of Pain" by C.S. Lewis. "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains; it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world."

A Finished Work

From August, 2016

"A Christian trusts a finished work". I read that in a devotional book today and the words seemed to jump off the page. A finished work. And Jesus said (from the cross) "It is finished". Is this the finished work I am trusting? Yes and No. Strange that I would read that sentence just one day after a VERY bad day. In some ways, pain is my enemy. Yesterday it raised its ugly head. Kyla and I were building something together and it was quite a project. We were finishing it on the floor when she looked at me and said, "This is a really good day". Then she smiled and continued her work. It was shortly after those sweet words when pain in my lower back screamed at me. Gingerly I stood and told Kyla I had to stop. "Mimi's back is hurting". How well can a 5 year old understand that? Try as I could, I couldn't get the pain to let up --- Tylenol, ice, lying down --- nothing helped. I needed to move slowly through the house. But what we built was blocking my movement so I showed her how to easily separate the pieces so I could walk. She said no. So I did it for her. With my foot. I kicked and the beautiful structure fell into smaller pieces. To emphasize my anger and frustration I yelled at her. Oh how quickly a sweet relationship can crumble. Pain or not, I scolded myself, internally and tried to repair the structure. "Do you want to help me, Kyla?" "NO!" she said with tears, "You hurt my feelings."

Do I trust the finished work of Jesus on the cross. Yes. I believe He died for me because of days like yesterday. But also No. I don't trust Him to guide me to a safer place when I am standing on the edge of the cliff of anger. Because I have had experience with this cliff in different circumstances I have learned to hear His words of warning and words of wisdom of "Come to Me and I will help you with this." I heard those words of warning on and off yesterday. In those instances, pain was my friend...part of the warning. But I chose to not heed His gentle calling me back. Anger and stubbornness hang out together. Yesterday, they won.
Today is a better day...less pain. But, best of all, I went to that place of forgiveness. At the cross, I experienced once again His gentle grace. Now, for the hard part...to restore the broken relationship with my precious Kyla. Charlie said, "Gini, she will forgive you. It will just take time." I began mending the bridge of forgiveness for her today. I rebuilt, as best I could the structure. Hopefully tomorrow she will build again and I look forward to those sweet words, "This is a good day, Mimi."