PAIN

"The Problem of Pain" by C.S. Lewis. "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains; it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world."

A Finished Work

From August, 2016

"A Christian trusts a finished work". I read that in a devotional book today and the words seemed to jump off the page. A finished work. And Jesus said (from the cross) "It is finished". Is this the finished work I am trusting? Yes and No. Strange that I would read that sentence just one day after a VERY bad day. In some ways, pain is my enemy. Yesterday it raised its ugly head. Kyla and I were building something together and it was quite a project. We were finishing it on the floor when she looked at me and said, "This is a really good day". Then she smiled and continued her work. It was shortly after those sweet words when pain in my lower back screamed at me. Gingerly I stood and told Kyla I had to stop. "Mimi's back is hurting". How well can a 5 year old understand that? Try as I could, I couldn't get the pain to let up --- Tylenol, ice, lying down --- nothing helped. I needed to move slowly through the house. But what we built was blocking my movement so I showed her how to easily separate the pieces so I could walk. She said no. So I did it for her. With my foot. I kicked and the beautiful structure fell into smaller pieces. To emphasize my anger and frustration I yelled at her. Oh how quickly a sweet relationship can crumble. Pain or not, I scolded myself, internally and tried to repair the structure. "Do you want to help me, Kyla?" "NO!" she said with tears, "You hurt my feelings."

Do I trust the finished work of Jesus on the cross. Yes. I believe He died for me because of days like yesterday. But also No. I don't trust Him to guide me to a safer place when I am standing on the edge of the cliff of anger. Because I have had experience with this cliff in different circumstances I have learned to hear His words of warning and words of wisdom of "Come to Me and I will help you with this." I heard those words of warning on and off yesterday. In those instances, pain was my friend...part of the warning. But I chose to not heed His gentle calling me back. Anger and stubbornness hang out together. Yesterday, they won.
Today is a better day...less pain. But, best of all, I went to that place of forgiveness. At the cross, I experienced once again His gentle grace. Now, for the hard part...to restore the broken relationship with my precious Kyla. Charlie said, "Gini, she will forgive you. It will just take time." I began mending the bridge of forgiveness for her today. I rebuilt, as best I could the structure. Hopefully tomorrow she will build again and I look forward to those sweet words, "This is a good day, Mimi."

America The Beautiful

This is a LONG email I sent out several years ago.  Since then, Dr. Carson ran for public office and was considered for presidency of our great land.  Since then, God has ordained (in my opinion) Donald Trump to be our president.  Since then, in different ways, America seems to be regaining her beauty.  In other ways, we still need to hang our heads in shame before God.  But, my love of this amazing country hasn't changed.  Since those over 50 years ago days of my high school Civics class  I continue to debate and struggle in sharing.  So when I read this again, I felt it appropriate to put on my worship blog.  God and Country will ALWAYS be a unified issue for me.

 

Dear Friends and Family

My favorite class in high school was my senior Civics class.  It was my favorite for two reasons: the subject fascinated me and the teacher I had was excellent.  The study of American government at that young age was probably fascinating because of his teaching skills.  By far I was not the smartest senior that year but this teacher sought me out after class one day to tell me something very special.  On that particular day in class, he did a "this is how I would set up our government" on the chalkboard.  The idea he wrote spread across the entire board and his presentation took the whole class hour.  When he finished I raised my hand and said "that won't work" and gave the reason why.  For several weeks we had been discussing and studying the balance of power (checks and balances) of the three branches of government.  He wanted to challenge this with his idea.  So, I challenged him right back.  I'll never forget his response.  He put the chalk down, wiped the chalk dust from his hands and said, "she's right".  In the library, after the school day ended, he found me and said, "you were the only one in all my classes who challenged me - great job!"

If Dr. Ben Carson, author of America The Beautiful, had been a high school teacher and not a pediatric neurosurgeon at Johns Hopkins, he undoubtedly could have inspired students as my civic teacher did that year, long ago.  In the second chapter of his book, Dr. Carson explains the brilliant idea of "checks and balances of our three branch government".  But he doesn't challenge this idea.  He affirms it.  Dr. Carson has been the key note speaker at the Washington Prayer Breakfast several times.  And, who was in the audience?  The President.  The Vice President.  Members of congress. Just to name a few.

From his book, America The Beautiful, here is a bit about Dr. Carson's growing up years.   In the chapter - Capitalism: Its Pros and Cons, he wrote: "The neighborhood housing projects I walked through when I began attending school in Boston were in even worse shape than ours.  Some of the houses were abandoned, some were burned, and others were literally falling down altogether.  But worse than the structural decay was the angry, aggressive attitude spawned by the conditions of poverty around us...My brother, Curtis and I were frequently bullied and with Dad gone, Mom had to work multiple jobs just to provide.  She never failed to put food on the table, however, and believed fervently that God would keep us going."  Is this the same Ben Carson who later spoke at several Washington Prayer Breakfast meetings?  Is this the same Ben Carson who was flunking 5th grade until his Mom inquired of God about what she should do?  Is this the same Ben Carson who became Director of Pediatric Neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins Medical Institutions.  Yes.  But how?  Good question.

So, why am I sending this email to everyone in my email address book?   I'm writing you to recommend his book America The Beautiful because I love my country and I love our freedoms.  I know you do, too.  Politics, among other subjects is hard for me to talk to others about.  I get a brain freeze.  I get tongue tied.  Although I know what I believe, I just can't seem to verbalize it.  So, when I heard about Dr. Ben Carson's book America The Beautiful, I bought it.   After reading it, I thought, "Finally, a means to share my views with others."  On some future date, I will not ask you what you think about Dr. Carson's views. I'm not looking to debate our differences or agreeing points.  Probably what I appreciate most about Dr. Carson is the fact he doesn't bash others who oppose his views.  And, in his sharing, he points out the "good and bad ideas, attitudes, methods, etc" on both sides.  Again and again he talks about using logic and common sense to resolve our national problems.

So, read his book --- then do what you will with Dr. Ben Carson's view of America the beautiful.  
                            Blessings of God's grace, mercy and peace to you and yours.  Gini

Recalling A Fleeting African Experience

On a safari experience I had with Charlie and a small group, our vehicle got stuck in a mud rut. We all had to get out and there I stood in a steamy open area of the Mara. It was like a dream. The smell of animal dung was heavy in the air as were the flies and their buzzing. I could feel the low grass tickle my exposed legs. My eyes kept darting back and forth as any movement near or far caused goose bumps to surface on my arms and neck. No lions. No hyenas. No threats before we continued our journey. But I will forever remember those few minutes in God's amazing creation. 

Never Count God Out

Holy Week - RESURRECTION SUNDAY
 
HE IS RISEN...HE IS RISEN INDEED!
A thought from Philip Yancey...Those disciples who lived through Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday knew God in a new way.

When God seemed most absent He was closest of all; when He seemed most powerless He was most powerful; when God seemed most dead, He was most alive. NEVER COUNT GOD OUT OF YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES. 

Ngaje Ngai

Ngaje Ngai are the words the Masai people of Kenya use to describe Mt. Kilimanjaro.  Dr. George Musacchio told this to me on Facebook.  Remembering Kenya and the beautiful Masai people, I'd like to call our House of Worship on Sundays by these two words.

A Gratitude Lesson From A Chicken

A Facebook post I wrote on March 17, 2016

Feeling very sad this morning...another attack...another chicken lost...our favorite...she survived multiple attacks in the past...we nursed her back to relatively good health and enjoyed her for a few months...we could pet her...she cared for our two youngsters...and now she is gone. Charlie built a fortress with much thought and time and energy spent. "there is NO WAY a predator can get in" we said. Yesterday morning, while I was out working in the back a larger animal with much strength pulled up the bottom of the fence. Last night we saw the evidence of its strength. Didn't sleep well last night...first thought for me this morning was "why didn't I go down and check on them yesterday morning when I heard them making noise?" False security..."there is NO WAY a predator can get in" They are just chasing each other. So, this morning during my quiet time, which I begin with writing in my gratitude book, I said, "I don't feel any gratitude this morning...I need to read from the Psalms"...and this is what I read "I remember the days of old; I meditate on all Thy doings; I muse on the work of Thy hands. I stretch out my hands to Thee; My soul longs for Thee as a parched land." Next to it some time this past year, I had written in pen the word "gratitude". Hmmm Even my sweet chicken is teaching me...but I am still struggling with this.

The Old Rugged Cross

Facebook post of several years ago on March 25:

My thoughts about Good Friday (God's Friday) The Cross - It seems that often the cross has become a beautiful piece of jewelry...and I have two: One that is so shinny and has black stones at the 4 ends. The other, (my favorite) is not a polished silver, but has a little purple stone in the middle of the cross bars, a ring around the cross and the inscription on the back: "Robin of Locksley". This morning I read the words of the well known hymn "The Old Rugged Cross"...here are a few phrases - "The emblem of suffering and shame"..."that old rugged cross, so despised by the world"..."the old rugged cross, stained with blood so divine, "To the old rugged cross I will ever be true, its shame and reproach gladly bear"..."the dear Lamb of God (Jesus) left His glory above to bear it (the old rugged cross) to dark Calvary". These words certainly paint a different picture. I wonder if my crosses have weakened the message of this hymn. Maybe not...perhaps when I wear them, a conversation about that "old rugged cross" may begin. Today, is a day to contemplate a cross that was old, and rugged, and blood stained. It held the Creator of the world as He bore ALL the evil of the world...and His Father looked away. But, wait! Here comes Easter!

From St. Patrick

Christ with me,
Christ before me,
Christ behind me,
Christ in me,
Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ on my right,
Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down,
Christ when I sit down,
Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.

In My Weakness He Is Strong

This story was sent to me by Janet Spears, a new friend who wanted to encourage me in my DARK DAYS OF THE SOUL:

by Kari Patterson

Last month, when we went through those 17 stressors all at once, I thought, “Oh good. There’s my break-down-and-cry session for the year. Let’s get back into our groove and start thriving again!”

But then. We were heading into a super full month ahead, so I braced myself for the busyness. The same day that I wrote that post, I found out I was pregnant. I’ll share more on that story later, why we were amazed and beyond thrilled, but suffice it to say the stressors all faded away in light of this new miracle. Yes, I was tired and nauseous, but it was worth it because it meant a little LIFE was growing inside my body.

But then, a week later, Heidi came down super sick with a high fever. I hoped it’d break quickly and she’d be better in the morning. She wasn’t. The next day she was sick. And the next. I had to leave for a retreat, and by then Jeff and Dutch were also coming down with it, so I reluctantly left them home and headed off to speak.

That night, I came down with it too. The whole retreat I felt so weak. I was also doing a fast with a family member to pray over a specific situation, so I had given up all caffeine for 40 days. Between no caffeine, being pregnant, being sick, and being away from home and not sleeping well, trying to have enough strength to speak to these dear women, I was at end of myself. I just kept reassuring myself that I’d be home soon, could rest and recover, and it’d all be better.

When I got home from the retreat, we were all four still sick. And then, that night, I miscarried.

In the middle of it, I felt so much peace. I knew God’s goodness, I was able to praise Him, trust Him, sing to Him. He spoke specific words of hope and encouragement to my soul, so although I cried most of the night, I was really ok.

But it isn’t usually the sudden blow of sadness that gets us, it’s the slow wearying effect of daily discouragement. That’s how I felt. The next day we were still sick. I kept up at my optimism, always believing the next day we’d be better. And then next day we were still sick. Heidi had hardly eaten anything in 10 days. Finally on Wednesday, I was feeling strong enough to get to Bible study, so I went.

Then, in the middle of study, I got a text that Heidi had a horrible allergic reaction to bubble bath, she was swelling up and breaking out in a rash over her whole body.

Seriously?!!

I went home, to find her face swollen, her lips sticking out, bulging, her tongue swollen, and a red puffy rash all over her body. While Jeff went for Benadryl, I sat up beside her bed, praying over her, hopeful the next day it’d be gone.

It wasn’t. It looked like chemical burns all over. It itched terribly, and no matter what we tried, we couldn’t seem to get it under control. The next day, it was slightly better but still there. And the next day, still there. This was day 12 of sickness, on top of the exhaustion, no caffeine, and miscarriage, and Jeff or I had commitments 7 nights in a row, and I was just. At. The. End.

By the time all the sickness and reactions ended, it was the day before I was supposed to speak at a conference, in a session for Pastor’s Wives. I so desperately wanted to give them a powerful, hope-filled message. I wanted to make the session worth their time. I wanted to encourage them.

But I had nothing. I had no special insights from the Scriptures. I had no clever 3-point sermon, no alliteration or outline or fill-in-the-blanks, I had NOTHING. And I still needed to pack for our week of travel and clean the house and do laundry and homeschool these kids and make a dozen arrangements, and all I could do was cry. I spent my last hour of “prep time” lying on my face before God, sobbing. No matter how hard I tried to pull myself together, I couldn’t stop crying.

And there, with my face on the floor and the tears and snot soaking the carpet, the words of Jesus came to me,

“My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.”

There it was. Not only the message for my session and the message for my soul. I grabbed my Bible and began scouring 2 Corinthians, amazed to see how often Paul himself pours out his own list of laments, how often he was weak, hungry, weary, sleepless. How often he was at the end of himself. And yet over and over we see the reason for it:

That the power of God can be displayed.

I’m always praying for God’s power to be in display. But how often I tend to think that God’s power will be displayed through my power. I want God’s power to be displayed through my powerful preaching, or writing, or wisdom. I want God’s power to be displayed through health and strength, through exhilarating times of worship, through energizing church services, through successful endeavors.

That’s fine, but there’s no denying that more often than not, in the Scriptures, God’s power is displayed through our weakness. In fact, God’s power is made PERFECT (its very best display) through my weakness.

Of course I’m willing to be strong for the sake of Christ, but am I willing to be weak? Am I willing to be humbled? Am I willing to look small and unimpressive? Am I willing to pursue a path that purposefully puts my weakness on display?

The next day, in a packed room of pastor’s wives, I laid out my story of weakness. It wasn’t polished or pretty. Some might say it was pathetic, but then we opened up the Scriptures and let them preach. Oh and did they preach!!! They preached hope to us all—they told us that in our sorrow we are comforted so that we can comfort others (that’s ministry!). We saw that the treasure of the gospel is contained in weak and unimpressive jars of clay (that’s us!) to show that the power if His not ours. We saw that Paul was shipwrecked and beaten and hungry and exhausted, and that he was content with all that because it meant the power of God was put on display. And we saw that a messenger of Satan was even allowed to harass Paul, because when he was weak, then he was strong.

God met us in a powerful way, not because of my strength but because of His.

No one likes feeling weak, of course. But the gospel gives us something greater to live for than just our own feelings and fancies. We get to live for Christ. And the Scriptures promise us a reward that is far beyond anything we can possibly imagine, for those who choose the way of weakness for His sake.

Are you weak today, dear friend? Don’t lose hope. You are in the prime position to see God’s power perfected in your life. Your weakness is not a sign of God’s absence, it is an opportunity for His glory to be in display this very day.

Take courage, cling to Christ, for when you are weak, then you are strong.

Blessings and Friends

March 16, 2013 · Facebook Post -

Been thinking about friends a lot today...found these in my journal. In June, 1989 Tim Fearer was speaking somewhere on Trinity's campus and said the following: "Blessing: Calling down the life giving power of God to infuse the body and soul of someone." Great definition - next time I say bless you dear friend, this is what I'm asking to happen. ... and then, I found this note I clipped from a magazine: "True friends are the rarest of people. They seem to have an inexhaustible supply of love even when we have withdrawn all of our deposits; they have a ready-reserve account that automatically covers our overdrafts" Amazing.

Happy Valentine's Day

HAPPY HEART DAY

The Love of God ---
"Could we with ink the ocean fill
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade;
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky."

-3rd stanza of Frederick Lehman
Hymn, The Love of God

A Special Memory With Kyla

February 11, 2014 ·

Kyla is here today...I don't do well with picture taking and posting them on FB so I will write you a word picture story. Kyla converts our dining room and partial area in the living room into her "make believe home" for her friends...today she had 7. She proceeded to set my table and her table for breakfast with her plastic dishes and borrowed a few of mine. After serving breakfast she took all 7 and had them nap on the carpet, covered with our small light-weight blankies. She came to get me to see Dog. Dog was having a time out and was sitting behind the recliner. As I watched, Kyla bent over and talked in whispered tones to Dog about his behavior. Then, time out was over and Dog joined the others. After she put the dirty dishes in her dish washer (an empty drawer in my hutch) she put big bear down for a nap on her bed. As I watched I saw the routine Kyla and I do for her nap---story read, then room prepared, and finally a night-night kiss. Landon never played like this. Welp, nap time is over and it is time for ME to fix Kyla's lunch and put her down for her nap. Maybe, I will nap too. Oh, I love being Mimi.

New Worship Fellowship

On Sunday October 23, 2016 Charlie and I worshiped at Trinity Presbyterian OC.  I wrote that the love and care we experienced was like the Balm of Gilead healing ointment.  We have continued worshiping there and are so grateful to God for His guidance and tender love over us.